I was 13. I’d just come in from school, so I poured myself a nice, cold, nourishing glass of milk. Head into the lounge to watch Blue Peter, good, wholesome family entertainment. I open the door… and I see my dad. And he is just… he’s fucking the hell out of my mum. Faces all, like, contorted, like that. Like a wild animal. She was dressed like a cheerleader. Little skirt… pompoms, everything.

Fucking cheerleaders.